Not many people know this about me but after reading Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, I realized I’m not the only one with this battle. The battle is the constant energy I use by being social, forceful, a talker, and simply just trying to be heard around people who are louder than me. I don’t believe it’s their fault, I just believe my personality is different and I do things differently which isn’t as common as I wish.
I guess a perfect current and relevant example of the two sides of this battle are the behaviors of the GOP candidates, Donald Trump and Ben Carson. Donald Trump is a talker, loud, attacks, loves speaking in large groups, and is automatically seen as being strong because of these qualities. Ben Carson is the complete opposite – quieter, doesn’t attack as much, hasn’t been as active as Trump in speaking with large groups, and is seen as being weaker in character because of this. (Disclaimer: First, I’m not a Republic this is just the most recent and relevant example I thought of. Second, I don’t know if Trump is an extrovert and Carson an introvert, this is an assumption from their behaviors on last night’s debate.)
Admittedly, my comfort place is listening, observing and analyzing before saying or doing anything. I do make things happen and work very quickly at it, but this is because I first give myself time to absorb and ensure everything makes sense and I have everything I need. Unfortunately my pensive, quiet behavior can be interpreted as uninterested or too passive.
So to anyone who considers themselves an introvert and may have challenges being understood, Cain provides great researched insights into the introvert’s mind and how to live in a world of extroverts. From the beginning those who are introverts, like myself, can relate to what she writes. “Yet today we make room for a remarkable narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. 
We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts – which means that we’ve lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one third to one half of Americans are introverts – in other words one out of every two or three people you know.” I do want to point out to others that there is a spectrum and some of us may not be 100% introverts or extroverts…just like this image shows.
I strongly recommend reading this book. It helped me accept I can’t compare myself to others, who I am, and how to change my behavior and actions to showcase my strengths. It’s a New York Times Bestseller, a “must-read book” by Forbes, and “Enlightening…a rich, intelligent book” by the Wall Street Journal.
Here’s a little take-a-way. Enjoy!
A Manifesto for Introverts
- There’s a word for “people who are in their heads too much”: thinkers.
- Solitude is a catalyst for innovation.
- The next generation of quiet kids can and must be raised to know their own strengths.
- Sometimes it helps to be a pretend extrovert. There will always be time to be quiet later.
- But in the long run, staying true to your temperament is key to finding work you love and work that matters.
- One genuine new relationship is worth a fistful of business cards.
- It’s OK to cross the street to avoid making small talk.
- “Quiet leadership” is not an oxymoron.
- Love is essential; gregariousness is optional.
- “In a gentle way, you can share the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi